My problem with dreams is how good they are and that messed up feeling u get when u wake up and realize it was just a dream. In this world i bet brain finally took over the world woke up looked around saw pinky and said “fuck”.
This all started when i was little.
Thats when this heartless pretender was made.
I stub my toe and though it hurt i pretended to feel no pain.
I was a normal kid this pretender but i was told boys should not cry.
So i dried my eyes and and started to smile and till this day the fake smile remains.
Could i trust u with my thoughts can i lean on u when i cant walk?
If the ans is no then what purpose do u serve?” —
I feel the pain
within my soul
my love has left me
I go for a stroll
around the the park,
but what’s this I see?
A thousand lonely people
strolling like me.
The tears from their eyes
reflects my pain,
their sad, lonely faces
all look the same.
What’s in this world
that causes such hurt?
Love, a lack of it,
we need to avert
the torture of the soul
made by loosing who you love,
misery is something
we could be free of.
That would have to be my bed. For more reasons than one.
I see u seeing me pretend not to see u.
I see u seeing my insecurity masked by a smile
A smile of wonder wondering if I can come over
A smile of a 1000 questions inquiring hoping u would respond
I see u seeing me step towards u
I see u seeing me see u smile
A smile u have returned now I can relax
A smile from ur heart my name is Rashaud whats yours?
Its 1:58 and I cant sleep and I dont want to sleep.
I scribble my thoughts down on my laptop thinking bout nothing in particular but everything at once.
My eyes water as I place peaces of me of my soul in writing my thoughts my inventions.
The music from my laptop keeps my company as I type something but nothing in particular.
I love this the solitude my thoughts I bleed my heart out on this paper ho wait thats the song playing
It would not matter to me one bit if no one in this world ever saw what I wrote if no one saw my soul and how I thought. This is just how I relax how I let go and let it out doing nothing in particular but everything at once. Its now 2:21 am I really should get some sleep.
We stared into each others eyes as she says the correct things. The things that are in the unwritten rule book about what we should say. I no its not real but I worked with the lie because deep down I wanted to believe the optimist in me. I wrap myself in the delusion as she spoke “ I will call u I promise” . It was over and I knew it but I needed to hear the lie or so I told myself.
I slept and held her knowing well that in the morning I would leave. I slept and lived in the moment. Parting is such sweet sorrow I whispered as I left as she slept as we both had our Demi Lovato moments and pretended to forget. Some where we went wrong and this is for the best so she never called as she promised. She never called just as I predicted.
She said the words and I pretend not to hear.
She said the words and they hit me like spears.
I cringe but from the inside on the outside my emotions I dont share.
She said them again this time I no I am not mistaking
I cant see her face through the phone but shes serious
She said the words and now she is waiting
Waiting on me to speak to validate to respond to her confession
Her admissions which brought about my guilt and damnation
It feels like a ton, she said the words those heavy words
How did it come to this? Ho yea it was the flirtation then the dates which ended in penetration
The deception and complications brought about from me wanting to consummate
She said the words and now she waits
How can I put out what I dont have, what I gave up on?
She said the words and I cant leave her like this so I say the words too
From her heart to my ears. From my lips to her ears and her heart then we hang up the phone
If I had never been in love, I wouldn’t crave the wonderful, crazy and euphoric feeling it gave when it was working. If I had never had sex, I’d never ache for the eroticism while I worked it with someone I wanted to have my heart. If I had never been heart broken, I wouldn’t fight the feeling of love when it came.
How can a person put out what he does not poses. What if i just do not wish to digress. Maybe i like u maybe i dont maybe we will marry but something tells me we wont. Who made these rules, tell him or her we need to chat I dont tell u my feelings and i’m in trouble for that. Curiosity killed the cat i hear them say so considering that fact i think in my mind u should not play.
What feelings! ho yea the ones i should have. To be honest my feelings or indisposed. Its on a need to no bases and to be honest i dont think u need to no. To find out is like climbing a mountain of razer naked. U may reach to the top but u may end up dead.
Description of her breasts: her nipples were like beautiful blackberries sitting on top of small, elegant mounds of chocolate-coated joy. I did not come up with this i got it from a book but dammmmmm. I could not say it any better.